[~ emancipation of me ~]

Recently, there’s quite a number of my fren posting about “changes” in their blog. How people changes..how the environment changes..how those changes can effect the others and so and so.. and im totally agree with hanan.. “People can change overnight”

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I’m not try to be sarcastic here. I’m just pouring my thought on this particular subject. Not to anyone to be precise. I’m admit that I’m a bit conventional about some issue. But that doesn’t mean I dont accept changes. People do changes. Its normal. If people doesn’t change from the begining, Im think I’m probably writing my thought on stone rite now.  Or perhaps I dont even care to think about this thing at all. Its not about changes itself. But its about the way people choose/act/did in order to move themselves from one spot to another.Thats the one that matter. Atleast for me. I dont know about the rest of you.

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Some people changes for a very good reason. Some people changes just for the benefit of others. Some people changes because of the catastrophe. Some people change because the situation requires them to.And some of us, just dare to be different by changing. But, if we change because we personally think, that is the best solution for both parties, precisely- on a relationship- (can be friend, couples, famly or wutsoeva),  atleast let us consider about the one who will be affected from the change that we made. I think, it is not fair for us to make that decision alone. Just trying not to be so full of ourselves. Sometimes, the small matter that we thought it were, probably is a big matter to another person. We’re different from each other. Our critical thinking might not be the same. But I dont think it different when it comes to sentiment and sensitivity of our hearts.

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Sometime, when we change and leave drastically because we dont want his/her heart to be hurt in the future, implicitly, we just adding another black dot’s to her/his heart in the present.. and both of it were equally brought the same meaning..

We can forgive. We can forgave. But the memories remain is really hard to forget.

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*pardon me 4 this*

[note to syg: nothing to do with us ea.. hee I <3 u]

He’s the most important man in my life.. He’s my best advisor.. He’s my first and the best teacher.. He’s the one I truly LoVe & respect.. He’s my Idol.. He’s the one I called ayah..

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and today he’s 55 years old

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sElAMAt hARi jADI Ayah!!

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Ya Allah SWT. Kau ampunkanlah dosa2 ayahku. Kau berkatilah kehidupannya duniawi dan ukhrawi. Kau peliharalah kesihatannya. Kau murahkanlah rezekinya. Kau permudahkanlah urusannya di dunia dan di akhirat. Kau golongkanlahnya dalam golongan orang-orang yang beriman. amin~

It’s sunday morning and im still awake. Yesterday was a fun(!) fun(!) day for me n my friends. We decided to go for a picnic at Tg Batu just to lepak2 and having fun. Rent an iswara car with plat no 1986 and off to the beach at 10am. Setting our venues and wait for hajar to fetch eyna at kidurong. While waiting, we snapping pichas.

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Then, I have to accompany mahizah to stall quite far from our venue to buy the deliciourestest air jagung together with rojak buah. What I didn’t know, that is a trap to suprised me. They actually planned to make a suprised belated burfday party for me. As I reach upon them, they sang song and present me with chocolate burfday cake. Im suprised and im touch. Thanx sOo much to everyone.

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At 145pm, we decided to left the beach and went to menara kidurong. A 20 minutes journey plus the sesat2 and we reach there safe n sound. View a beautiful MLNG plant, the seas, jungles, and half of Bintulu from up there. Quite mesmerizing and not forgetting scary also. Rumors says, that area was a bit danger(!) for girls like us. and even for couples. no elaboration needed.

3.30pm, we reach UPM an return the car. rm40 for 5 and half hours. Luckily, no friday incident happened again. On friday, our rental car stop sumwhere infront CIMB because we forgot to fill fuel.huhu. All of us were so gabra and 2 of us walk to nearest Shell and buy petrol in mineral bottle that cost rm2.77. So embarrased!huhu.Luckily, the car engine’s start to make a sound and move. We’re laughed so hard and off to the Shell to topup more petrol.

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Hurmm..what a fun day I haved. When I reach my room later that day, suddenly I feel sOo cuak. Da hepi2 baru nak cuak.huhu.My final xm is getting nearer. Need to kick my ass to study. No Play2 anymore. Target for Dean List Shida!! aminnn~

17 october 2007 (ignore the date above)

hola to all my blog readers..im back here in Bintulu.. the journey was quite smooth for today.. and amazingly, the airport was not packed as a tin of sardine as its usually does..reached my room at 4.30pm and settling things that need to be done before dozed off for couples of minutes.

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There’s so many things I wanna write but I’m not sure of where to start.. im going to start with ayah.. ayah already retired from work as he reach his golden aged of 55 years old this month..Rite now, he just resting himself at home..Quite boring ayah reckon, as ayah always have something to fill his time before his retirement..So, of course, lazing around at home make ayah feel hell-bored..Now, he’s taking over the cooking job at home as he need something to be done at home..and believe me, ayah is a great cook!glad that im not home for long time because if I do, Im sure I will be shock when I step my feet on my weight scale.huhu

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My along miscarriaged at the second month..I feel symphaty towards her..but she is a strong woman whos not letting anything to let her feel down..we do believe everything happen got hikmah lies beneath it..so, we accept it as a Allah swt fated and neither we blaming on anything nor anyone..after all, she still can try harder for the 2nd one rite!huhu

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Hari raya for this year is better than the year before.. every single of my ibu’s side family gather at my nenek’s house.. so, from the moyang to the anak, menantu, cucu and cicit all were there..seldomly happen because normally, there must be atleast one family not in the scene..I do enjoy these raya holiday as this year, my famly enlarge with the present of my newlyweds abg ngn kakak ipar.. These also means, my angpau for this year doubles up!! hehe

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My 2nd,3rd and 4th of raya was nothing but visiting our relatives. From Bukit Senggih Malacca, Kuala Pilah N9, Hutan Percha Malacca, Seremban, Tanjong Karang, Klang Area, to Putrajaya it really a tiring day. I also persuaded my ayah to visit my boarding school when we on our way to tanjong karang. There’s a lot of changes since my last visit..I lied if im saying that im not missing my school at all.Seing the school makes me reminisce the good old days back when I was there..

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Today, I waked up at 6.30am.. I havent start packaging my things yet this morning.. My Ayah, Adik, Abg and Kak Fiza send me to the airport.. And after that, they continue their hari raya visits to pantai dalam, cheras and sg buloh without me. eurghh! hate it hate it.. im sooooOOooo malas going back to uni.. Final Xm is just around the corner..no time to play anymore. Plus tones of group assignments need to be done..go ME!! fighting!!

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Im officially 21 years old today.. Thanx to all who texting me within and outside the country, send me testimonials at fster, cards (I really treasure my sis handmade cards for me-sgt2 terharu), Greeting through YM, Skypes, and present. Thanx a bunch for remembering me. After all, it is always the thought that counts! 

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[note to myself: im an adult!!da bole mengundi!!hehe]

         There was a time when my age was around 6-10, where I keep imagine how my life gonna be if I was born as a BOY! with “bin” instead of “binti” in the middle of my names in my birth certificate. When I was around that aged, I always have an idea in mind that being boys are farrrrr more intresting than being a girls. I grew up playing with my elder brother a lot, and when my brother involved, “football” game is a must!! so, it does shadowing my feminine side a bit. I do play with my childhood neighbour (boys&girls) a lot too. But, wheneva its is time to compete, I favour choosing boys to be my rival instead of girls. I once fall from climbing a cherry trees and have my arm broken, all with the boys. I usually dress like them too. And sometimes I behaved like them as well. Its nothing to do with tomboy-ish or wutsoeva. I just comfortable to act like that at that moment.

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The funny part is, when I, together with one of my childhood fren which I doesn’t remember who, try to conclude either being a girl or a boy is the best. We listed the advantages and disadvantages of being a boys/girl.And the list was looong one. I know this is not something that we should question as all boys and girls were all Allah swt creation, and every each of them special in its own way. But being a kid, u can never stop thinking and asking without realizing whether the question is appropriate to be asked or not. After all, it is part of the learning process itself. Belom mumaiyiz lagi pon.hehe. Back to where I started, after we finished our listing, it is time for us to make our conclusion. And we conclude that being a girl are far more better than a boy just because of this one important factor.boys kn SUNAT!!haha (like girls dont~duhh)

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my fren: sebaik kite pompuan kan..kalo kite laki nanti da besar kite kn sunat..aritu abg kte sunat die nanges tauuu..sian die..ee..takot aa kalo kite laki..

me: aah2..ayah kite pon kate abg kite menangis mase kn sunat dulu2..eee..mesti saket kan..xmolah jadik laki..

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double-duhh~yaa rite.. childish I must say..from all loooong options listed, just because of that we conclude that better being a girl.huhu. at that moment x terpk la pulak that woman kn pregnant la and wutsoeva things that far more saket than that..kiddos!huhu oh, maybe because the list is a comparison between girls and boys, and not man Vs woman rite..haa..now it makes sense la a bit to say sunat is one of the important factor! huhu. immatured me was really amusing sometimes.

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Now, that Im already grew up till this age, I never asked those silly question anymore.(nak mati da tue2 bangke brgn nak jadi laki.huhu) I love being a girl or should I put it this way, I love being a woman.ehem2.But what I do wish for is, if I could ever have a piece of man’s “heart-of-stone”. Then, I will not become sensitive toward minor things, not easily distract by own-emotions, never thinking too much as thinking too much never work good to me,not pessimistic and unconfident about own-self, and last but not least,not depending on others. Im not saying that I want fully-stoning (is there such a word?) my heart, but I just need a bit of that kind of stregth,pride and ego so that I’ll never go “down” again/anymore. I just wish.

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note: suddenly remember about my sis book entitle “Men from Mars, Woman from Venus”.. something like that.dont really know what the stuff were all about. Maybe I can start reading on that. Besok da balik!!! yeah2..